April 21, 2021


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Last night went well. At least that's the response I'm hearing back from others. I wonder if it had gone awful, if it had been a complete disaster, would people really tell me how much I sucked? How fucking awful I was? It doesn't really matter, I didn't suck. Most of the couples who came to the workshop stayed around after I was finished to tell me how much they enjoyed listening to me speak. T., the producer of the series of How To videos I'm about to "star" in, told me I played with my hair too much. J., my flova, told me that I can't talk negatively about myself anymore. L., my #1 fan and #1 friend, told me I did great.

Whatever. The fact that strangers approached me to talk about sex was super-duper cool, especially because it meant I was approachable and easy to talk to. That's exactly how I'd like to be seen. As a sex educator that people can relate to.

Two people asked me to sign, as in autograph, their copies of Playgirl Magazine. That was a trip. I don't think I've ever signed an autograph before, even if that one guy at AVN this year asked me to cause he thought I was a porn star. They didn't think I was an adult entertainer last night. And, Of course I tried to act all professional and shit when they asked for my signature, but in my head all I could think was, why me? why do you want me to sign this? I'm just Jamye Waxman the girl who grew up a freak in Plainview, NY.

Still, I realized that I need to practice my signature, the same way I practiced it when I was a little girl and had a crush on Eric M. I signed my name Ms. M. all the damn time. Oh, and then there were the other crushes, and the other future husbands, which is ironic because I don't even know if I ever want to have a 'husband' anymore. I can barely get over the terms boyfriend and girlfriend, even though I may start using the term a little more often (in my own private Idaho that is). But still, when I think about the term I think back to Stacey E.'s basement when I was in tenth grade, when my first (and almost only) boyfriend asked me if I wanted to make "it" official, if I wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I remember thinking it was such an awkward way to broach the subject and it had made me uncomfortable for a brief second, but after it was all said and done we were a couple. And we stayed a couple for the next nine years. Since then I haven't had anyone that I called boyfriend, even if I can think of one boy who definitely thought he was more than a friend. In fact, it was three years after our "relationship" had ended that he asked me if I missed him at all. It was so strange to me, I had been in other not-so-healthy relationships since him, and had actually not thought much about him, and here he was still thinking a bit about me...Actually, I think he really did love me, was really in love with me, which is ironic cause since then it seems that every guy I like a lot never likes me just the same...I guess that's just the way it goes...

But that's not the point here, although I'm not sure what the point here is..oh yes, I think for the first time in six years I'm actually in some semblance of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. And it's great but really, really strange. I can't believe it's been six years. I can't believe this is the first time since then. And I can't believe how super he is. Really.

Okay, I'll shut up now. I have videos to produce and movies to cast. Hey, anyone want to have oral sex on camera?

Posted by jamye at April 21, 2021 03:36 PM