December 06, 2021

The end of a cellphone

In the past week my life has slowly spun out of beyond my control. First I lost the apartment, my choice, but not the way I would have chosen it to go, had I been able to predict such things. Although I feel much wiser about buying now, and know what I will and won't stand for, it felt like I had lost a small child from some developing country.

Then I got sick. Sicker than I cared to be. Runny nose. Stuffy nose. There was one night where I thought if I fell asleep I would suffocate in my bed. Between the dry throat and the clogged nostrils I didn't know how to breathe. For some reason I could be awake and not care, but every time I tried to shut my eyes I'd get this horrible feeling of not being able to go on. It goes back to my uncle, lying in the hospital, dying of a lung cancer beyond his control. He wasn't a smoker, and it's a really sad memory, one that I shouldn't even go to on this blog right now. Let's just say not being able to breathe reminds me of him. It's a horrible feeling.

Then...I've been doing a lot of editing for a piece I'm working on for NRG Magazine. I'm really enjoying the process, but it's been very involved. Very detailed. It's been my whole weekend, besides being sick and working at Toys. And, before late last night I felt like I had no control in my own life.

So I went to this party, even though I was sick, and even though I should have been in bed. And I was cranky, grumpy and in no mood to be at a party I had been looking forward to for months. I was thinking of leaving and then it happened:

I was washing my hands in a sink that was clogged, all the while thinking, wow, this sink is really clogged, when out of my too small for my own good handbag, my cellphone took a dive, and landed, well, flopped, into this clogged pool of filthy sink water. By the time I got it out, it had died. Ironically, this isn't the first time I've lost a cell phone to water - the last time a bottle of water opened in my purse and spilled all over the bag and the phone, so it was different, but the same. And it still seems rather strange that I could lose two cell phones to the same fate...

It also told me something....

It told me I had to STOP. RELAX. TAKE A FUCKING BREATHER. Take some time for myself. Enjoy the once a year party.

And now, now I don't have a phone. So I don't have any numbers that I haven't put in brain memory and I am less connected to the world. For a day or two this is a good thing. I need the time, the space, the rejuvenation.

Cause that phone in the water thing, it sucks, but it was a sign. At least I'd rather believe that then think that I'm the biggest spaz I've ever known - who happened to lose two cell phones in two years to "water incidents." I mean, c'mon, what would you want to believe if you had the choice?

Posted by jamye at December 6, 2021 04:37 PM