November 21, 2021

If everybody else likes it...

then, damn, I must go see, Julie Atlas Muz next weekend at PS 122. In an effort to be progressively productive, I purchased two, who wants to go with me? (Tickets = $15/piece, so it's not like it will burn a huge hole in your pocket - and trust me, even I can't afford to afford this). Apparently, it's a must see, so I wanted to make sure I saw.

Then there's throat coat, this herbal tea that my former roommate, the one who also used to be a former office manager at a major, recording studio, suggested I use since tonight I have no voice. Tomorrow I have to record radio, so it's just dandy that tonight I can't speak. Actually, I'm quite excited for some more time alone, I've had a very productive day. Anyway, this former roommate suggested throat coat cause she said it's what all the heavy metal, hair bands with the hottest singers use because they screw (tee, hee - I said screw) up their voices from partying too hard. Do I party like a rock star sometimes?

WARNING: This is the part of the rambling entry that starts to contain TMI (Too Much Information)

State of Mind: Thinking too much.
I'm sitting all alone tonight, Sunday night, at my favorite "not mine" apartment, and I'm really excited to be alone (as mentioned in the previous paragraph). I had a realization/breakdown last night, I love compound words!, in the apartment of the girlfriend of the "not mine" apartment that I'm in tonight. I was there yesterday because I was feeding her cats while the two of them went out of town on their happy, couply way.

And I realized that right now I want to be more alone than with someone else. Right now I want to be able to grow as my own person, because I think these next few months are going to be huge!!! I have to stay grounded, and I think any major investment in emotional real estate is not the smartest thing for me to do. See, I love passion and I am trying to teach myself to curb my enthusiasm for love.

I love to love. I have probably said this before, and I'll probably say and do it again, okay, fine, I know I will do it again, but not now. It's a little bit strange, and I'm still testing the waters, making sure I understand what I'm not looking for. I know I've wanted a deep connection with someone for a long time now, fuck, I even went on an online date or two, but if deep means demanding, then I'm just not ready.

However...if everybody else eventually wants a deep, demanding relationship, then one day I'll probably want one too...I mean, I did finally catch on to Julie Atlas Muz and Throat Coat, y'know.

Posted by jamye at November 21, 2021 07:32 PM