June 28, 2021

So now I know..

DSC03398.JPG Farenheit 9/11 - Opening Day @ S.F.'s Metreon...

A lot of things that I did want to know, but really wasn't sure I needed to know. That kind of stuff. From George W. Bush to my own personal life..I know to much..

SEE FARENHEIT 9/11- esp. if for some reason you are undecided about this year's election, or even if you are not..SEE FARENHEIT 9/11- it's not a good movie. it's horrible. in the best of ways.

so. i wrote this piece for steppin' out based on my experience of running into the boy that i was dating. It was him, I got confirmation, and somehow knowing this now makes me feel like shit. anyway, here is the story.
Two paths could not have uncrossed more clearly than on June 22nd at 6:55PM on the corner of Prince St. and West Broadway. It was there that two people, a boy and a girl, both of whom spent countless weekends alone, but together, went their separate ways one final time. She was heading east and he north, and she noticed him before he ever got a chance to notice her. Even though she had only seen the other girl in pictures, the one he was with, she knew exactly who she was. This was as close as she ever hoped to get.

She looked nothing like the photos, this other girl, but she - the other woman, recognized her right away. From the curves of their bodies to their long, dark, curly hair, she could see the resemblance. Suddenly, she understood things that she had refused to believe. That this man, whom she thought she had loved, had simply needed someone to take his girlfriend’s place while they were apart. She had been the right type, at the right time, in the right place. Now he was with his girlfriend, and she was done.

For those 30 seconds that she watched him walk down the street, she knew he was never coming back. It was staring her in the face, as if projected on a larger than life IMAX screen - a lifesize image of the two of them.

She had no idea who he was; she realized this now, at that moment when she was ready to scream out his name in an uncontrollable spasm of longing. She grew angry with herself for the sudden loss of control; for the fact that her legs were failing to support her. She grew angry with herself for being affected by all of this. Suffer without me, she wanted to scream, but she knew that he would never suffer. He always had some girl to occupy his time; that was the reality behind the fantasy world she had lived in.

He was leading parallel lives. That’s Bill Clinton’s explanation when anything goes wrong and that seemed to be a good excuse for a number of people she knew. Somehow she always got caught in the crossfire, but she was done trying to dodge everyone else's bullets.

It was a silent flash in the camera of her mind. As the last picture she’d ever need to see developed, she thought about what this had meant. She couldn’t erase the image she never wanted to know - the one of his hand around her waist, the one where he drew her close to him. It was just as he’d done with her, only now it was somebody else.

It ended eight months to the day it began, which was as ironic as the entire relationship had always been. But nothing could prepare her for those final moments, when two paths narrowly escaped a major catastrophe. When the other woman almost met the girlfriend in front of the two-timing cheat of a
boyfriend. That would have been another story entirely.
I fly back to new york tonight. then off to england on wednesday. i am happy to be heading east - though i'm not sure where i am really heading at this point (and i don't mean geographically, okay?).

Posted by jamye at June 28, 2021 04:21 PM