“We” (by we, I mean I) interrupt your regularly scheduled sex toy review (back tomorrow) to bring you this post, which is actually brought to you by the fantastic RabbitWrite. It should be titled “why I do what I do” because it’s going to be that kind of personal/confessional post, but in celebration of Lady Porn Day, and because I live in Los Angeles, it is what it is.

Confession 1: I don’t watch much porn in my personal life. In my professional life I watch porn, but still, not as much as some of my other friends, both sex ed types and “civilians” (as the porn world likes to call you when you’re not in “the” industry). One of my closest friends started the revolution to make the kind of porn that couples can choose to watch, and she doesn’t even like the word porn. In fact, she make a conscious choice to avoid the word, calling it erotica, which makes it feel all warm, fuzzy, soft and pretty. While I appreciate that, I also know that not all women like warm, fuzzy, soft and pretty, so I use porn, embrace it, hug it, kiss it, make love to it, but I generally don’t make love with it. Porn is part of my workload, and that makes me less likely to shoot a load when watching it alone.

I don’t think this makes me a hypocrite. I got in to the industry as a result of radio, producing a show called LoveBytes with Bob Berkowitz. That’s where I met Candida Royalle. She was charming, intelligent, alive and in charge. I loved all those things about her. She was a lady and a businesswoman, an independent free-thinker who had pioneered her place in sexual history. And, she happened to think I was swell.

The first movie I worked on was Stud Hunters: A Hard Man is Good to Find. I even have a cameo in it (look for the women with the picket signs. That’s me, Veronica Vera and Candida). I then wrote a second film with her, Under the Covers, and took a non-sex role in the movie. By non-sex I mean I get caned by the porn actress Syren. I gave my parents a copy of the movie and warned them that they’d see my ass. They’d already seen it millions of times growing up as I was the child getting punished the most, and most often my punishment came in the form of a good ass smack. Getting my ass caned was a more difficult task than I had imagined, especially since getting down on all fours and allowing myself to feel vulnerable around a cast and crew I helped compile made me feel like I was losing my power. Since then I’ve gone on to make four of my own movies, all with an educational slant. The Personal Touch series left me feeling slightly less than stellar, and I learned a lot about taking charge (especially since I can own up to the fact now that I didn’t). My last film, 101 Positions for Lovers (support me, if you’re going to buy it, and do it here, was the film I feel best about making, and more along the lines of the types of movies I will continue to make.

Should I be admitting the fact that most of the porn out there doesn’t do it for me? That, although I agree with the chorus of female (and other gendered) voices that say not all women want the fluffy romance with a side of cherry on top, that I would rather watch that type of porn? While some people want it hard and rough, like Kylie Ireland does it, I’d still (Confession 2) rather be having sex, vanilla or otherwise, with myself of someone I’m just that into. Porn for me is DIY, as in I do it with myself or others, without a camera, and in private.

I’ve filmed porn, had porn filmed in my shower (that’s Confession 3 and it goes out to my old landlord, JB) and offers to sleep with some of the hottest talent out there, and still, I feel little excitement around porn. It’s not that there isn’t porn out there for me to like, because there is, and I do like porn some of the time. I love Anna Span (she’s my absolute favorite) and I’m totally hot for Jiz Lee and Manuel Ferrara, but it’s not like (Confession 4) I go out and get myself movies, or download a lot of porn online.

I work in the industry, although way less than most other directors, because I believe that the only way to make change is to make change, and not sit around and hope that change finds you (tip: it doesn’t). I never planned on being an outspoken advocate in the sex field or pornography, but here I am doing it anyway, because I feel it needs to be done. The point is, even if, like me, you don’t watch porn all that much (anymore, or ever), it’s important to celebrate some aspect of porn because it’s our right to make it, watch it, get off to it. It’s not alright to make it without consent, and pay, and heck, why not throw in royalties while we’re at it, because that’s what I think of when I think of ethical porn, but on Lady Porn Day around the world wide web, why not celebrate the types of porn and people that make you scream, holler, shake and do it? Celebrate them because they put themselves out there and do it.

Just do it.