I LOVE Paul Joannides, Research Psychoanalyst and Author. I love him not just because he’s as cool as his book, The Guide to Getting It On (he may be even more amazing, which, if you’ve read his book is hard to believe, I know), and not just because he’s one of the most honest, down-to-earth, well-researched, educated and humorous sexperts EVER - but on a personal level, because he’s made me smile (yet again) this morning.
I just found his youtube channel and I’m hooked not just on Paul, but now I also *heart* his family’s beagle, Woody. Below he takes his time - and his Woody - and shows you the right, and not-so-right, ways to put a condom on quickly and effectively. What I learned is if you’ve got a foreskin, try pulling it back before you put the condom on, then put it back into place after you’re all set. After watching this I watched why condoms break and five things to learn about lovemaking from porn. I’m currently watching condoms and lube. I can’t stop….
Today brings not one, but two podcasts, along with four of the same, albeit different colored, photos of my mouth - all to, and for, your attention. (Is that too much math for this blog?)
The first is Sexy Stuff, hosted by Dr. Lori Buckley. On Friday I sat down with her and her co-host Mark Phelan to talk about everything from the AVN Novelty Expo to the G-spot and sex educator celibacy. It’s a fun show, although we do forget to have the Big O for world peace at the end. Bummer.
Next, Gram Ponante is my guest on the latest Hot Sox podcast. For those of you who don’t know Mr. Ponante, he is America’s beloved porn journalist - and you can click on the NSFW link under his name to find out much more. He has loads of insight into the adult industry and he’s weird AND funny (BONUS!). Only thing about this podcast is the sound quality. We were just talking on skype when I realized I needed to figure out how to interview and record people via the medium, and voila, a podcast was born. Gram’s sitting a little farther away from his mic than I’d like, so sound quality is low, or rather, isn’t quality. Just crank up your speakers to hear the pearls of wisdom that drip forth from Mr. Ponante’s perfect lips.
This week’s so last week, sex news you may have missed goes from the cellular to the vulvar (with a little pee wee thrown in).
iPhone users get 2x more booty than their Droid Counterparts. (Gizmodo)
Engineering for sexual orientation. In the womb, doctors try to find a way to limit homosexuality. (LATimes)
Pee Wee Herman says it wasn’t his pee-wee, or his hand, masturbating in that movie theater back in 1991. What’s worse is that he got more press for choking his chicken than Jeffrey Dahmer did for mass murder. (NYDailyNews)
High School students: The link between academic achievement and sex has the greatest affect on those who do it casually. (Businessweek)
Aurora Snow: Confessions of a porn MILF…at 28! (DailyBeast)
The Marriage Ideal. Gay or Straight, Monogamy or Polygamy - what we think of as traditional marriage is not. (NYTimes)
Vulvar fashion for the vulva conscience, Cosmo declares hair is back! (Jezebel)
The skinny on sex. More women would rather lose pounds than pound. (Salon)
Woman sleeps with 5,000 men, media goes batty. (CarnalNation)
This past weekend in Ft. Lauderdale I met a husband and wife team who were selling vajazzle supplies for vaginas (vulvas actually, but vagina just rolls off the tongue easier), and ice luges that looked like boobs and penis. They were really stoked about their products and even offered me a free sample of vajazzle, but I forgot to pick up the rainbow rhinestone packet before they bolted. It was the only one I could see myself using, although they had other pre-made (and predictable) ideas, like hearts and rainbows and words like “sexy”.
While vajazzle became all the rage - or did it really ever become “the” rage?, one salon decided there had to be a less blingy option. So now there’s vatooing, getting a temporary tattoo for her twat, something she’ll be able to do herself pretty soon - Sacred Kitty has a DIY version they’re about to release. If you can’t wait, and must…have…, or you don’t want to DIY, you can get your crotch waxed and airbrushed at Completely Bare
I visited Completely Bare when I lived in NYC (full disclosure: as a producer of Naked New York I went there for free laser hair armpit removal treatment. After 6 treatments and no follow-up, the hair grew back) and they have always been cutting-edge and have been vajazzling for as long as it’s been raging, but now there’s vatooing.
“Vatooing, is also known as “twatooing,” “vatuing,” or simply “vagina tattooing.”
It’s not painful. The procedure involves hair removal (the most painful part) and an airbrush design of her choice placed on the mons pubis of her pussy. She can opt for classy innuendos like “69,” or more intricate designs that she creates and chooses the colors. Me? I’d either get something that glows and looks trippy (I am off to Burning Man) or something like Fuck Me - direct and to the point. Vatooing (aka crotchal airbrushing) lasts up to one week as long as you forego intense friction or cameltoe.
I’m all into decorating your bits for your self-love or someone eles’s love of your self (full disclosure: I’ve yet to do it), but what about guys? Can they pejazzle or petoo, too? Cause I’d have him wax his mound and make him look like Gonzo the Great (depending on how he hangs), wouldn’t you?
That makes me laugh. And so does this…My newest podcast is up. It’s the epilogue to the last hurrah, the one where I rode the coast of California and had lots of sex. You can hear all about it - in more headboard banging detail than you may choose to want to know. And listen to the podcast before the post hurrah to get more of the story.
Here are some things I learned on my Virgin America flight from sea to shining sea:
1. I met a man named Yoni. Yoni, which in Sanskrit for vulva, is also apparently another way to say Jonathan, in Hebrew. I don’t mean to stereotype, but this Yoni didn’t look like a jewish Jonathan. Whatever he is, he is Yoni, and he wears his Virgin America name tag with pride - as he should. He reminds me that gender is fluid, and regardless of why he’s called Yoni, I giggle like a 12-year old boy.
2. Khloe Kardashian and her sister Kourtney are so super close that Khloe lets Kourtney wax her pussy lips. Yes, I watched Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. It was my first time, but I have to admit I watched three or four episodes. And I learned some thing too. Khloe says butter is good for burns, but I still wonder, is it?
What I liked most about the pussy wax episode was how Lamar, Khloe’s husband, reacted to Khloe’s vaginal lips, after they got burned as a result of hot, hot wax. Burned lips are no laughing matter, but the show made me smile.
3. Current TV has a fun show called InfoMania and I’m hooked on Sergio. I watched an episode, probably cause it was the Sex Episode, and definitely not because it was an old episode, filmed in 2009. Wondering, is the show still on the air anymore? (Answer, yes) And how tall is Sergio?
4. When TV is in my face, I watch it a lot more than when it’s not. Do you think Yoni does too?