Me. In Belize. 10 minutes ago.

In this weeks’s SNSD, decode your moans and groans (yeah, baby, give it to me), celebrate same-sex marriage and look into the lives of people who don’t need, or want, sex.

• The sounds of sex and their uses. From arousal to communication, what you groan, or grunt, in the bedroom can speak louder than words.  (About.com)
• The changing definition of marriage is changing in the dictionaries we use to define it. (MercuryNews)
• And the changing state of same-sex marriage continues. Vermont becomes the first state to take legislative steps to make it legal. (USAToday)
• Asexuality: An orientation and not a choice? (iol.co.za)
• Opinion: (and a mighty good one at that)..Jeff Silberman examines the lunacy behind things like why Grand Theft Auto was pulled from shelves. “Not because of the thousands of murders the player invariably takes part in, but because he can get a blowjob.” (Tulane Hullabaloo)
• Octo-mom gets a “nannies offer” from porn company Vivid. She doesn’t have to perform in movies, she can let the nannies do all the work. (Xbiz)

I’m in Belize right now, heading out to the beach. Unlike Jamaica, this time it’s all about not working too hard. With two of my best girlfriends in tow, we are going to paint Caye Caulker red.

While I chillax at the beach, here’s are five things to think about, if you happen to be planning a trip to have sex on the beach:

1. sand up your crack is still totally whack, so put a towel down or do it on a beach chair.

2. in the water you can hold your partner up, because water makes everyone lighter. So why not try getting frisky in the waves? Just remember, latex and sunscreen don’t mix.

3. go to the beach at night, and pull up a chair and get cuddly. It’s cooler when the sun goes down and you have a lower risk of getting caught.

4. give each other sunscreen massages

5. while relaxing all day, bring a pad and paper and write naughty notes about how you want to ravage each other while, or after, baking in the hot, hot sun.

Retro Frottage by StefZ

First order of business… did you frottage with anyone Irish last night? Frottage is non-consensual, so if you went home and rubbed nubbin’s with a little lucky Irish (or a big one)…that doesn’t count, although I do like the term consensual frottage, which, while negating the fact that frottage isn’t consensual, allows me a new way to say “hey can I rub up against you.”

Now, did you hear the one about the Pope and condoms? It’s a doozy..The Pope says, on his way to Africa,  “You can’t resolve [AIDS] with the distribution of condoms … On the contrary, it increases the problem.” He suggests abstaining from sex as a way to curb the disease.

Perhaps someone slipped him a tab of something an hour or two before releasing this statement and therefore it wasn’t him talking. Then the Vatican can blame it on the kool-aid. But I know that’s fantasy. The reality is much worse.  In 2007 there was an estimated 22 million adults and children were living with HIV in sub-Saharan Africa. 1.5 million were dieing, and as a result 11.6 million children were orphaned (avert.org).

Even members of the church are questioning the Pope. I get the view, well, I don’t get it, but I understand that sometimes people stick to their outdated guns forever. But this is not, in my non-catholic opinion, in good faith.

Of course, if the world prefered to frottage (consenusally or otherwise) over fornicate - this world could be a very different place. But that’s not what this is all about.

Female Viagra isn’t working and Jenna Jameson makes babies. Plus meet Japan’s oldest porn star. All in this weeks Sex News Square Down.

• At 74, Shigeo Tokuda is still hard at work. Literally. He’s Japan’s king of elderly porn and he ain’t stopping until he’s dropping (which might refer to his penis, or his body). (AsiaOne News)
• One Taste: community or cult? And does it matter if all you go there for is an orgasmic meditation or two? (NY Times)
• Jenna Jameson shoots the mother load. Twins! (AVN)
• Unabashedly erotic looks at sex in New York and beyond. If you click on the how to tab, you might recognize me. (NYC24)
• File under “Shocker, but not that kind of shocker” - Female Viagra doesn’t actually work! The Gods must be crazy! (YourTango)

A few weeks back I attended the Open Center‘s dialogue on Sex in America. The panel, hosted by couples therapist and author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel, brought authors Ian Kerner (She Comes First, Love in the Time of Cholic) and Amy Sohn (Run, Catch, Kiss and My Old Man) together with sexuality educator and all around knower of everything sex information Cory Silverberg (he also happens to have written a book on sex and disability, is coowner of the sex shop Come As You Are and the about.com guide to sexuality) as well as sex therapist, activist, author and researcher Leonore Tiefer.

To be honest, my first thoughts were in wishing this panel was more diverse. Yes, there were two men and three women, but where was the trans representation, the sex workers, the people who’s culture is either more expansive, or more limiting, when it comes to talking about sex? I mean down low culture is a real thing, it’s just not necessarily a white, middle class thing, which was who the whole panel happened to consist of.

I got over that rather quickly. Not because there shouldn’t have been fairer representation, but because the conversation was really interesting. From changing the way we talk about sex, to the words we use to discuss it all, a whole host of thoughts danced through my brain as I listened to one speaker after another wax on, wax off. Questions like, if quick-fix relationship advice really worked, would we continue to  publish the same five tips every month in the most popular glossies? When do you start talking about sex and what is really wrong with sex education in this country? And, how many bonobos does it take to screw a lightbulb? (I made that last one up, actually.)

Tiefer was the one who really kept the crowd on the edge of their lecture hall seats. It had to do with what she said, and how strongly she stated it.

Sex is not a natural act.

Apparently this is one of Tiefer’s big points, that and the whole messedupness around the medicalization of female sexuality. Tiefer believes that Masters and Johnson used the term “natural” in place of “good” when they were trying to help couples with their sex lives. She said this has led to years of confusion about the ease in which two people should have sex.  It should not be easy, because it is not easy, not always.

We split into groups and discussed things that we thought needed to be brought up with regard sex in america. I had just had a conversation the week before about all this, about how Americans are taught how to find the best jobs, and we’re armed with the skills needed to be whatever we want to be professionally, but we’re not given the skills, both personally and emotionally, to deal with how to be the best partner. Nowhere in our higher education, or lower education, do we receive the proper tools to have better communication and relationships with lovers. And why not? Aren’t personal relationships just as important as professional ones?

The conversation lasted for almost two hours. It would have gone longer but we were literally kicked out of the auditorium after the allotted timeframe. Still there was much more to say, and many ways to say it. And after one night, after only two hours of talking about sex, I felt the conversation was changing. It was on that Friday night, that a group of sex positive people in NYC fanned the flame and felt the flicker.

Life is changing for me as I post this, which is also the excuse as to why it’s been so difficult to keep up with my blog these past two weeks. I want to write about it ALL, or at least about this Sex in America panel I went to two weeks ago, and also about my trip to Jamaica, but right now I’m moving things around and shaking them up, and the truth is I have a mess to clean up (literally, in the room I now sit). So for now I will leave you with an HNT from last Thursday, in my hotel room at Hedo 2 where yes, there are mirrors on the ceilings.

In this weeks Sex News Square Down Barbie turns 50, but her boobs don’t look a day over 21. Conservatives likey likey their porney, porney and there’s a lot to learn about the biology of sex.

• Barbie: Still Hollow at 50. A reflection on the doll that is Barbie on the anniversary of her 50th birthday. She got bendable legs in 1965, a bendable waist two years later, and she dumped Ken in 2004 (after 43 years together). What is Barbie thinking? (Canada.com)
• The Biology of Sex. Women who enjoy it live longer (although my grandmother is 82 and she never seemed to enjoy it, hmmm). Human male balls are proportionally smaller than the rest of the animal kingdoms testes, and oxytocin travels in semen. Plus, what happens to the female prostate as a fetus evolves in the womb? Inquiring minds want to know all about it, and truth is, there’s a lot to know. (ABC News)
• Conservatives prefer porn to their liberal brethren. According to a recent study in the Journal of Economic Perspectives, “Eight of the top 10 pornography consuming states gave their electoral votes to John McCain in last year’s presidential election - Florida and Hawaii were the exceptions. While six out of the lowest 10 favoured Barack Obama.” (New Scientist)
• Is (one of my absolute favorite shows) Battlestar Galactica pure evil? Or is this article trying too hard? (io9)
• Sex Education in Schools: The divide between public opinion and political views. (Newsweek)
• Environmentally friendly condoms and eco-lingerie? More ways to keep your sex life greener. (Fox News)

I’m in Jamaica all week, working on a 101 sex positions video for a new division of Adam and Eve. While it snowed buckets in NY, I’m in shorts and a tank top.

Here’s a teaser from the still photo part of the shoot - day two.

Broadcasting live from Jamaica..it’s this weeks (shortened) edition of SNSQ #17. For some reason it’s full of bad puns, which I can only blame on the fact that I’m in Jamaica man. Not sure if that’s really an excuse or not, but I’m acting like it is.

• If you’re interested in learning how preshistoric fish got it on, MSNBC investigates the 380 million year old placoderm. (MSNBC)
• First Playgirl, then P???? Gawker’s rumormonger throws out the gossip. (Gawker)
• No going down, down under. 79 per cent of sexually active Australian women say their sex life is not as good as they would like it to be. (Coffs Coast Advocate)
• Marty Klein’s Sexual Intelligence Awards are out. Who’s “doing it” for him this year? (Sexual Intelligence)
• Taking it to a higher level: Susie Bright joins Pot Psychology to answer your burning sex questions. (Jezebel)