I hate to label anything “best” because it’s a subjective word, but when I recently got this email for the “best stuff” I replied as best I could. And now I share with you.

>>> BEST SEX TOY
It’s hard to name just one, so in general I’ll say it’s a vibrator. Both for boys and girls. If I had to pick one today, then right now I’d say the Eroscillator. It’s a three speed plug in with different heads. And it is powerful and quiet. You can also check out the Pocket Rocket or the Ideal if you’re looking for something a little less expensive.

>>> BEST SEX POSITION
Doggie Style (one partner is on all fours and the other partner enters from behind, but not necessarily in your behind) is great, especially if your partner’s a guy and you want him to come, or if you like deep penetration or you have a partner that’s slightly less endowed. I also like when my hair gets pulled in doggie style. Ruff!!!

I like missionary too (one person is on their back, the other is on top of them) because it’s intimate and you can watch each other while having sex, and you have all these great variations depending on where the person lying on their back puts their legs (on shoulders, chest, floor). But picking just one I’ll say woman on top, because the woman on top controls what’s touching where and she can play with her clit at the same time.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about babies lately. Not unlike my friend Rachel, who’s made it perfectly clear that she wants one of her own, I’ve started wondering, do I? I’m 32 years old, an age where if nothing shakes the boat, I can still do and be anything I want. People in their late teens/early 20′s probably still think 32 sounds old, and I understand because I thought that way once, but now I know it’s not (and besides I don’t look old). For the most part I feel like 32 is the new 23, especially if you’re dyslexic. I do, however, feel old when I think about wanting a baby. Before the last year and a half I never thought about having a child. I never thought I’d have to make a decision anytime in the not so distant future. I figured I’d have a whole lifetime to decide, and then I could choose if and when I was ready. But the more my friends start to have their first, or second, children the more I realize that I’m not getting any younger, and that after 35 there are a lot more complications that come with having a happy, healthy, bouncing ball of joy.

Fine, 35 is still two and a half years away, and that means I still have almost two years to decide, but two years can, and will, go by so fast. I hate that time speeds up as you age, but it does. When I was a child, a trip to the doctor’s office - which was practically around the corner from my house - felt like it took days, and summer never seemed to come fast enough. It doesn’t work like that anymore. It’s like as we get older someone toggles our joystick so that life starts to speed up, and it never slows down again. Which is why I’m thinking about this now. Oh, and because of my families medical history, which is the kind of history you wish someone else’s family had to deal with, and not your own. There’s lots of cancer, and heart problems and happy things like that on both sides of my fence, so I know that the earlier I make my decisions the better it will be for both me and the kid. And who knows, I may look back at this post when I’m 38 and pregnant and laugh at my premature cut off date, but for right now, I feel the need to give myself a time line.

It’s hard to know if and how you’ll deal with a kid. All my friends who have them have had positive life changing, and reaffirming, experiences. Of course they all wanted children, got married and did it the pre-approved way. I don’t know yet about marriage. I mean I love my partner, but it’s not something we have this itch to jump into. It doesn’t mean we won’t do it, and it doesn’t mean we will, but it does mean we’re not going to right now.

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Pussy Porn

I just started watching the behind the scenes footage for the videos I filmed in LA. It’s amazing what the camera catches when you’re not around. How people mill about, sometimes working, sometimes saying inappropriate things to appropriate people. When the Behind the Scenes camera catches the performers they’re often times “not on,” like they are on film, and sometimes those performer and the porn star are totally not the same. As for the actual videos, the producer/editor called yesterday. He said all the sex has been cut in the first video, it’s a video on Sex Toys, although I use sex toys in a lot of the videos, and it has 1 hour and 20 minutes of sex!!! 90 minutes is standard practice for Adam and Eve, so we’re going to be golden, but I’m concerned that he’s going to try to cut some of my information out of the movie, and this IS a how-to video, so there needs to be at least twenty minutes of talk about sex in there. I’ll let you know how it goes after the first cut. I know he knows what I want. I know he gets it, but I also know that when you shoot sex for a living you don’t “get” why there has to be talking at all. You don’t necessarily get the beauty of the BTS footage (which is often my favorite part of a porn, or any movie), and you don’t always get the vision of the person who created the content. But I’ll make sure he gets it, even if we’re on opposite coasts and he has to get it via email. These videos are not intended to appeal only to people who shoot sex, or consume porn. These videos are for people who want to learn something with their sex.

Speaking of porn, er, adult entertainment, the .xxx website is up for debate again, allowing pornographers to voluntarily use the .xxx domain name. I can see the pros, and understand the cons as well. Firstly, your isolating a group of people who are already picked on, and ostracized, and this label with its intent to help can actually help the wrong side. Meaning the government can compartmentalize and eventually ghettoize adult content online. And down the road this .xxx label can help the government group together and go after a larger segment of the adult industry.

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I’ve lived in New York long enough to not care about celebrities, topless woman being pulled in horse drawn carriages and angry cabbies who drive like chickens with their heads cut off - okay, I still care about the latter. But last night, while eating dinner at a local Ethiopian joint, I had a moment. Maybe it was because she was so beautiful in King Kong, or maybe it’s because I actually think he’s one of the more talented actors out there - it could have been a combination of the two, or the three, since there’s a baby on board, but when I’m sitting at a table next to Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber, it’s hard not to notice, a lot, and eavesdrop often. I heard stuff, but not anything worth repeating, or not anything I’d repeat, and I didn’t listen as much as I first thought I might, but that’s because this is the real world and these are real people, and that’s where the story begins and ends. But still, it was a nice moment, being so close to the woman that the third King Kong fell in love with, and part of me secretly wished I could ask Liev for some comp tickets to Talk Radio on Broadway. Honestly, what the encounter reminded me is that we’re all human, and that no matter how stressed I am about finishing my book, or editing my sex ed videos, no matter how much it matters to me, in the scheme of life it only matters so much.

I had this interesting thought about death the other day. About how we all buy this movie ticket into our lives, and how we don’t know exactly where we’ll begin our adventure. We pop into a movie that’s already being shown, and we’re all actors that have been cast in the middle, or perhaps if Al Gore is right, towards the end of the film. And we create our own role, and then we act it out for as long as we can, which means until we die. When we die our part of the story is over, but the movie continues production. Sometimes we leave things behind about ourselves, and sometimes we become more well known after our expiration date, but most of the time we come and go without much fanfare. And for some reason, seeing Liev and Naomi reminded me of this. Maybe it’s because they have this untouchable air of celebrity, and by seeing them in an Ethiopian restaurant under a scaffolded street in the West Village I realized they’re not so untouchable, and not so larger than life, and at times they eat with their hands too. And this is important to see because sometimes we (meaning I) get so caught up in our own lives that we forget that in the grand scheme of things, we are but one of the many tickets purchased for this ride.

Podcasts: My former flova turned live in lover and I are podcasting for his site. The podcast isn’t about sex, even though future podcasts will be, but if you want to hear about the Secret, listen now.

Portnoy: This woman is sick of being a secret in the US. Suzanne Portnoy wants more press, and honestly, she deserves more then she’s getting. I had coffee with her this past week, and besides being one of the most sexually confident and voracious ladies I’ve ever met, I really liked her writing; “The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker:An Erotic Memoir” and actually just enjoyed spending time with her. Portnoy’s smart, savvy and sexually out there. All pluses in my opinion.

The book is about her sex life both during and after (what became) her sexless marriage. So, why should you read it? It’s hot to see a woman reclaim her sexuailty. It’s hot to hear an “older” woman talking about how much she loves sex outside of missionary or doggy style, and if you’re a fan of anal sex, then Portnoy’s right there with you. Or if you’re a woman contemplating your own sex life and/or relationships, it might be nice to read a liberating experience like this one (of course it could depress you because she has yet to find true love - and no, this does not ruin the book, in fact she’s the happiest single woman I’ve met, and she’s getting way more action then anyone I know).

Patches: Lastly, I’m intrigued by Intrinsa. It’s this patch that’s touting itself as the new “female viagra.” You’re not going to find in in the US, it’s not available here, in fact it appears to be readily available in Germany and if not now, it will be available in France really soon. Also the UK is thinking of bringing it over, or is bringing it over, I forget. It’s for women with low libido, low desire, low sex drive and I believe in order to get a prescription you have to be post-menopausal. I think it’s great if it really works on an hormonal level, but for women who’s problem is mental or emotional this isn’t going to be the fix. Of course, it’ll probably hit the pre-menopausal market and become the must try party drug. I can’t say if it wasn’t offered to me, I wouldn’t give it a go. As long as it doesn’t have crazy side effects, I’d give it a go, and then I’d go at it. For the Daily Mail article on Intrinsa, click here.

Anybody remember the Warrant song “I Saw Red?” It has nothing to do with the period/blood talk down below, but it used to be one of my favorite songs, and I say that proudly, and since red reminds me of blood reminds me of the red in the title of the song I was just curious if anyone else remembered it too.

Other random thoughts:

This sucks. South Carolina’s Legislature yesterday approved a bill which requires a woman to pay for an ultrasound, view the picture of the fetus with her doctor, wait an hour after seeing the ultrasound, sign a piece of paper saying she has seen the picture, and then and only then can she decide that she still wants an abortion. There’s no exceptions, not even in cases of rape, health or incest. If the house approves this bill (again) it goes back to the Senate and if they approve it, it will pass. This is totally emotional blackmail and beyond the scope of what is choice.

If you’re looking for a beautiful blog post to read, to get your mind off the SC crap, then try this one on for size. It was written by the girl who I looked up to most in college. I love the honesty, love and women’s issue she discusses.I will say however that I do have sex on my period, and I like having sex on my period, and I don’t give a damn about staining the sheets on my period, although when I remember to, I will try to put out the period sheets, which are sort of like the period pants (those would be underpants) I wear during my cycle so that I don’t ruin my other, sexier “fuck-me” now undies. Even though I like to have sex on my period, I definitely don’t have to have sex on my period either. Actually my period is so light that I guess that’s why I don’t mind having sex on it. It’s not light as in light and fluffy because I don’t think anyone can describe a period in those words, but since it’s pantiliner light and not super-thick overnight maxi with wings heavy, this might make the discomfort of doing it during my bleeding days a tad bit more conceivable.

There are some guys with blood fetishes though. And I remember when I first found this utterly womanly site (NSFW but then again I suppose my site is filtered out this way too) and thought about how some men truly appreciate blood.

Bleeding is such an amazing phenomenon. Although I’ll never forget the comedian, I will however forget his name, who said “I never trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die,” I mostly find the miracle of our periods quite fascinating. I’ve never put much thought into my own bleeding, the way misplaced mama does, but I now believe I should. Of course this may be because my bleeding is induced by the lack of chemicals in my body every fourth week thanks to modern medical science’s invention of the birth control pill.

I remember the first time I bled. My mother smacked me across the face and called it tradition, and I guess in the Jewish religion it is, although I’ve never bothered to look up the significance of it all. I was bummed that I became a woman three days before my bat-mitzvah, which in the Jewish religion symbolizes becoming a woman anyway. Maybe my timing was way on, but for me, all I could think about was that I might stain my custom made dress and that would have been horribly embarrassing for a first time bleeder.

I appreciate my bleeding, even if it’s short and even if that first day I hate my cramps, which I know are not as bad as bad cramps get. But I appreciate the fact that spilling blood also means I have the ability to create life as well. Even if after finding out I created life, I chose to end it before it began, before it cried out on this Earth (yes, an argument is brewing I know), I like that I have the choice to make it all happen, and most of the SC legislature who’s voting against choice probably does not even have the choice to have a baby.

I’m not saying I’d have an abortion, at least not now, not at my age. But I still believe I should have the right to choose what I want to do with my body.

Period.

Me with Candida Royalle. Promoting Under the Covers in LA.

My friend Abby posted a “must read” article about her experience in LA (she helped on my shoot and went along on another ride) at Eros-zine. She’s such a great writer, fashionista and she did come up with some of the “best lines ever” in terms of making my script funnier than I am. My favorite line that she came up with is when we talked about anal sex, and I say “nobody ever accidentally slips and falls on a lightbulb!” She also got caught in middle of a Kurt “don’t let his smile fool you” Lockwood meltdown which was quite scary and sad, since he is some of the hottest male talent performing today but so obviously uhm, not stable. So, anyway, back to me (I’m totally joking but not really) yeah, if you care to know more about my LA experience, since I’ve been so bad about blogging it, you should read Abby’s piece. Actually even if you don’t care, you should read the piece, and then read some of her other pieces too.

There’s a nice review of Under the Covers at DVD Talk for those of you who haven’t bought the film, but may think about doing so.

Oh, and a new podcast will be up soon. It’s only been a month, so finally today I pulled out the old mic and made some noise, of course after I finished I thought of a million more things I wanted to say, which just means I’ll have to podcast again sooner than a month from now. Right now, I’m getting addicted to all these blogs about women who have cancer, especially this one, and she died today (sorry for the downer). I can’t help it, I’m a hypochondriac who gets hooked on that sort of stuff. What I’m really trying to do is surf for stuff on masturbation, but I keep getting distracted, and I’m at the point where I have to finish this book soon. I’ve been trying to find media sources that have talked to women about masturbation, or celebrities who have something to say on the subject, so any researchers out there, if you have old issues of Glamour, Cosmo, Jane, Sassy - or any other girlie rag that’s talking about the M word, let me know what they say.

I did this whole photo shoot in my aunt’s house in LA after everybody else was passed the “f” out. It was my last day in movie makeup and I wanted to rip my own clothes off. Well not really, but if I wasn’t so damn honest it would make a good story.

It seems like the only thing I can really, truly talk about these days is Masturbation. Why I capitalized the word I’m not quite sure, maybe it’s to emphasize the importance of the subject, or maybe it’s because it’s so important in my life right now (surprisingly less so in my personal life than my professional one) that I feel the need to emphasize this through capitalization. Whatever. I need to know - what mainstream media things (big word I know) like TV shows, magazines, online places, songs and celebrities taught you a thing or two about masturbation. How did society affect your views on masturbation?

Anyone can, and should, answer me (hottwax@gmail.com). Especially women, but I’m looking for all outlets that provided masturbation education or misinformation. Honestly the more I look the more I’m saddened by the fact that masturbation isn’t as out and proud as I believe it should be. Aren’t we supposed to be moving forward, becoming more progressive in our views about sexuality? Aren’t we supposed to be working towards sexual liberation? Or is that only me and the handful of people I know that are, or feel, like me? Because when it comes to masturbation I feel like we’re moving nowhere, which is not unlike the feeling of walking in place on one of those automatic sidewalks at the airport. I mean sure you can move forward, but you can also hold on to the rails and watch as the floor moves under you, and then you get nowhere fast. Is masturbation going nowhere fast?

Even though it’s not my word of choice, I can still choose to say it. Can’t say that’s true for some young New York students who caused a great debate by saying the word in front of other students. I can’t believe that the word vagina causes such angst, but then again people are freaks.

Vagina is a body part. Stated differently but the same, vagina is a part of a woman’s body. We can all relate to vagina at one time in our lives because (odds are, unless we’re a test tube tot) the vagina is how we’re created and the vagina is what we passed through to get where we are today. That means vagina’s are our friends and they’re not inherently evil, even if sometimes the people who have vaginas - think Ann Coulter - are. But even when the vagina is attached to a nasty, nasty girl, vagina itself is again a very good thing. It is not a word that should get you suspended like it almost did three Westchester County High School students.

I can but don’t want to believe that vagina would cause such an uproar and I can’t express my outrage, sadness and utter disgust, which leaves me feeling sort of how I’d feel if I just stepped in fresh dog doo, followed by a wad of recently chewed gum. What would happen if people said KKK or Nazi during a school reading? Would that be fine and dandy because those things are about hate and not about a body part that approximately 50% of the population has, a body part that’s all about LOVE!

In a world full of so many other issues, can’t we try to at least love vagina? Can’t we take our anger and frustration out on things that really are icky. like war and violence?

A sock puppet at Venice beach contemplates the meaning of life.

Happy St. Patricks Day! I am so not Irish, although on occasion I’ve had a little (well more like a short and thick) Irish in me. Bud, ump, bump…

Any woman out there ever have a fantasy about getting paid for sex? Anyone? I could really use a fantasy on this topic…email me at hottwax@gmail.com.

Now, as I have a new appreciation for blow up dolls, this story caught my attention. Apparently some high school boys did not get in trouble for manhandling a blow up doll. Thank heavens because I’ve manhandled a blow up doll before too, and if they got in trouble then I would have felt bad about my own adventures with Officer Sukkit (who came complete with blow up gun and thigh holster). There is something about a blow up doll that makes me want to shove things in holes.

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