Abiola Abrams, me, Candida Royalle. The sisterhood of cinematic sexuality. Or “Candy’s Angels.” You decide.

Rachel Kramer Bussel addressed it in one of her earlier posts this week, and Audacia Ray and I have been talking about it for quite some time, and now I feel the need to say something on the topic too.

It’s about the sisterhood of sex educators. The one that doesn’t really exist, although the beginnings of a secret society of New York based sex educators is, I feel, on the verge of emerging. RKB is probably the best sex educator and writer I know when it comes to connecting, as everybody I ever talk to is always about to meet her for lunch, but for some reason I think a lot of us fall short in terms of forming a bond.

I want other women like me to support me and I want to support them. I want them to enjoy me as I enjoy them. To laugh at me, with me or because of me. To learn at me (shut up, I say it makes sense so it does), with me or because of me. And I want other sex educators to call me on my shit. Not that I want there to be shit to call me on.

Women are innately competitive and to some extent jealous of each other, especially of their successes. While I can’t say I’ve never been jealous, I like to think that I am sincerely happy for most people I know. Still, I feel like it’s easy to feel isolated and in turn jealous when you aren’t communicating with “your posse.” Sex educators are, in some ways, my posse.

So I want to let the floodgates open, and I want to put myself out there more, and communicate better. And I feel like it’s starting to happen. Having the lovely Audacia Ray by my side last night after the New School panel was a blessing and a gift. Having dinner with the talented and smart, and increasingly sexy as her belly grows more pregnant Ellen Friedrichs was not only fun and informative, but it gave me that warm, let’s support each other, fuzzy feeling inside.

It’s nice to know that there’s a home grown group of fantastic educators out there, and it’s even nicer to know that most of us want to, and willingly support, each other. It’s just that I know most of us feel this way because of email and blogs, and not through direct one on one contact. And that’s where it’s got to change. So, now I’m going to take some initiative. I’m going to set a date for some of those of us who are willing and ready and able to support each other to get together and do it.

Odds are you’re not invited, but I promise to share what I learn. And odds are, if you’re not invited it’s either because you’re:
a. not a sex educator, or
b. you don’t live close enough to just come over for the night.
c. Or maybe it has nothing to do with that, and it’s something else entirely. If that’s the case, you might never know.

And thanks to everyone I met yesterday at the New School. You made my experience so worthwhile, and happy.

And one last thing I do know; I do know that I want to know more about the fact that men can have 7 different types of orgasms, while women can have 10. I don’t know where I found this statistic, but apparently it’s true. I mean, c’mon I read it in a book somewhere. Question is, can you name the different types of orgasms?

Oh yeah. And I’ve got a new one up on Souldish.

Oh my goddess, I love this site!! Thanks Kvetchmeister C of Polenblog.

Now…Friends, Romans, Countrymen…Lend me your ears this Friday at 4PM (if you’re so inclined).

Oh, so many thoughts, which might be the problem with the human mind.

Which is less cool, a fanny pack or a man purse? I only ask because I unintentionally burst out laughing last night when a close friend of mine said to her boyfriend-turned fiancee-now soon to be husband, “Honey, can you mail this letter? I left it under your fanny pack.” See, in my neck of the woods, fanny packs are sort of a taboo. At least that’s how ‘others’ see them.

I have one. I love mine. I’d wear it all the time, except that I carry around too much stuff to fit in just one fanny, but most of my friends don’t agree. Whenever I wear my fanny pack, I get teased and made fun of. My friends think that fanny packs are for other people, like tourists. But I say a fanny pack is a good pack any time of the year.

So, last night, when I sqawked at the fanny pack, I asked my friend’s boyfriend-turned fiancee-now soon to be husband if he would ever consider switching to the man purse. They both laughed at me, said no, and went on to discuss the merits of one’s fanny pack over the embarrassment of a man purse.

I dunno.

I’m proud that they’re proud of the fanny pack. It’s just not something you hear people being proud of all that often anymore. I am proud to carry around my fanny pack too, well on the rare occasion that I’m not carrying around all that much and that I can carry it around. But I’m not like most. Are you?

Now…what if you could never hug a human being? Could never hold a baby, or more importantly your baby? Pet a dog or cat? What would that feel like to you? I can’t and don’t really want to imagine it, but I watched a fantastic movie last night, in which this happened to be the case. It was about a man named Jose Flores, who was born without any arms. (He also happened to be born with some very short legs, meaning yes, he’s a- I’m going to be politically incorrect here - a dwarf), but apparently that’s not the focus of the movie.

The movie, Born Without, was super touching, and as it progressed, very revealing. What a story!!! If and when it’s finished I hope you see it.

I saw a rough cut, so it’s not out for the public now, but it might be soon.

And the best part was Jose Flores was super happy. He loved and enjoyed every moment of his life, his wife and his seven children. And it made you realize that even in the most difficult of circumstances some people find joy, whereas others cannot. But, obviously, if you make it a priority, it is there.

And speaking of joy. Big news as I just signed my first contract to write something other than a magazine article. Will say more soon. And this Friday, 4PM I’m at the New School with Candida Royalle, Abiola Abrams and Ann Snitow. More info. to be posted soon! If you can make it, please do.

I never knew I’d become a cat person. This is Baxter.

I’m done with the fast. After three days (counting the day I tried to cheat, but vomited up the food instead) and after listening to the words of many a concerned friend, I have decided that this fast is not right for me. While, because of my lifelong obsession, albeit a sick one, with weight, I loved some of the ‘effects’ of the fast, I also love food, and I realize that three days are more than enough without food and that life is too short to deprive myself of said thing.

Of course, you have to reintroduce food back into the body slowly, so today it’s all about soup. And my boy is still fasting, something that worries me, as he never weighed much, wet or dry, and now he weighs much less, but that’s his trip not mine. Well, at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

I feel good about what I did, I mean three days has to do some sort of bodily cleansing, and while for a moment, I felt like a failure, I now know that I am not. I also know that I’m not one to fast on a regular basis, even if my spiritually conscious boyfriend is, and while I love doing everything together, sometimes we don’t have to do everything together.

Still, it’s nice to have a partner, and I will be here to support him over these next few foodless days.

In other news, I may have some other big news to report this week. Stuff I’m excited about and stuff I’m working on. And it’s a Saturday and tonight I’m planning on dancing, after I finish teaching a class. FYI - I love teaching, esp. bachelorette parties, so if you know of anyone having one, suggest me to them.

Okay, now I’m going back to other work. Sometimes I just have to stop long enough to blog. I’m a whore. What can I say?

oh, yeah, if you want to read more about what I wrote about the fast before I decided to quit it, read it here or just go to Souldish.com.

Where I spent last weekend

Last night was more than not so good. Actually, it was terrible. When you have a loving, caring partner who will actually clean up your vomit, you know your in good company, but when you have nothing but liquids to vomit, you get a little scared about your health. And then when you read on one of the master cleanse diets that only in severe cases, the kind where people are ultra toxic, do you have the nauseous and vomiting that may ensue, as it did last night, to me. And this makes me wonder, what kinds of toxins are leaving my system, and am I a diseased little girl?

I know I’ve been a party girl for way too long, and maybe now, at 31, my party days are numbered. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel alive and connected to my body. I’m thinking of giving up drinking completely, with certain clauses like when I’m out of town, or on special occasions, it’s okay (once in a while). I think that was last night’s lesson. Between one end and the other, I lost a lot of stuff at around 10PM Wednesday. Thankfully, I didn’t lose my dignity, as I have a fantastic boyfriend to help me get through the roughest of times. But everything else, well that’s gone now.

I almost even cheated. Or, more technically had food stayed down it would have been over. I tried to eat some soup and an almond, but nope, no luck. I did however manage to scarf down a couple of Motrin, which did help with the headache. I’m sure that wasn’t a very fast-like thing to do, but last night I wasn’t feeling very fast-like.

So, today I decided after little contemplation, to try, once again, to get on with the fast. While yesterday I exercised, today there will be no such ridiculousness. Not until I can guarantee a headache free evening.

Only a few more days of this. Well, actually a little more than a few, but I’m trying not to count. Instead, I’m trying to drink as much of this fast food as I can. Anything to avoid last night from happening ever again.

That is my wish for today.

Oh, and for those of you not fasting, and into the date, It is 420. A very green day, but also the day of Columbine (just as I bring you high, I can also take you low).

The things you do for love.

I’m not feeling so hot right now. I’m trying that master cleanse fast again. It’s not that I’m doing it for Jonny, it’s just that I wouldn’t be doing it if he wasn’t doing it. And since he’s doing it, and since we live together, and I can’t imagine not sharing something like this with him, I’m doing it AGAIN. Yes, again, as in I did this last year and remembered thinking at the end of last year, thank goddess it’s over, cause I don’t want to go through this again.

Maybe I thought we’d be over by the time it got around to April again. But, really, I don’t think I thought that, but who knows, maybe I did. But no, we’re still together, and not it’s April, and I’ve kept pushing him back so we could find the ideal time to stop eating, although there’s never really an ideal time to stop eating, is there?

I crave french toast. It might have more than something to do with the fact that I’m drinking maple syrup, yes maple syrup is one of the four staples in the master cleanse (The other three are water, lemon and cayenne pepper). It doesn’t help that all I want to do is grab a handful of almonds and devour each tiny nut in my mouth. Or that I have both my period and a headache right now. No, none of this is making my master cleanse experience happy. And it’s not helping that everywhere I turn I see some sort of advertisement for food. I’m noticing just how much food is served in New York on a more hyper sensitive level. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I AM HYPERSENSITIVE right now.

So, why do it? Well, since I’m not doing it for, just with, Jonny, there has to be some other logical explanation, right? Right.

I’m spring cleaning out my body, mind and soul. That’s really what it comes down to. Getting rid of some of that winter heaviness and hoping that it lends itself to a light and easy spring and summer. And especially since I “chowed down, wide load”, these past few days, it’s getting my body back on track to perform at it’s peak. Plus, I’m hoping it helps clear up my ear thing, which is still quite the common concern in my life.

So, even though I wouldn’t do this without Jonny, I guess it doesn’t hurt to be doing it with him. After all, it’s nice to share.

Kate Bornstein is not only a talented and gifted writer, performer, speaker and person, she is also one of the most kind hearted, good natured and well intentioned people I have ever met.

In order to understand the absurdity of what has happened to her, I have decided to post the article, in it’s entirety right here. I sometimes forget, because I’m constantly surrounded by people and situations that aren’t necessarily “normal” for everyone, that the outside world is still so messed up. BUT alas, it is.

This isn’t about sex. Kate’s book isn’t about sex. It’s a guide for students who are learning to cope. Who don’t fit in. Who want to know there are alternatives. Things can and will be okay. But apparently, they’ll have to learn this the hard way.

And even through it all, Kate is still positive. You have to love her. Trust me, you do.

Bedford schools cancel speech by transsexual
By DAVID MCKAY WILSON
THE JOURNAL NEWS
(Original Publication: April 14, 2021)
BEDFORD

If you haven’t read my piece on food and sex, it’s here for the taking.

Last night I was meant to explode. I’m lucky I didn’t, but yes, last night, my body had decided that it was on the verge of combustion. I couldn’t handle anymore. Food. Drink. Air. Last night, I totally overconsumed.

It’s a cycle I go through. A part of who I am, and how I eat. I hate myself the next day, but last night my brain shut off so my mouth could function on it’s own, and at ease. Not such a good thing. Especially when you’re body isn’t used to working that way anymore. I used to eat a lot. But not so much anymore, which is part of the reason I’ve lost 20 pounds. I can’t eat like I used to, well, unless of course I’m in that cycle. But that cycle only lasts a day or two, before I begin to cleanse again. The cycle sucks though. Last night it sucked the worst. I couldn’t physically shove any more food down my throat. My tummy hurt so bad. I needed to throw up, but I didn’t want to stick a finger down my throat. I’m not that kind of girl.

Still, last night I could have been (that kind of girl). After all, at a Passover Seder, I just eat and eat and eat. It’s not like there’s much else to do, except drink. Have you ever been to a Passover Seder?

And now I’m still not fully recovered. I’m hoping to walk some of it off today. I’m hoping to walk the rest off tomorrow. And then I’m planning on doing that liquid fast next week - the Master Cleanse. Hopefully, all will go as planned, and after tonight’s Passover seder (yes, I’m a two time good Jew this year) I will not combust.

Because I’m not ready to explode. Well, not like that anyway.

I have known Ducky Doolittle for many years. Not only is she one of the most prolific sex educators, performers and kind hearted people I know, but her new book, Sex with the Lights On, is the most entertaining and informational sex book out there, and I highly recommend everyone - from basic beginners to ultra advanced - pick up a copy. Ducky is so talented that she’s also done all the illustrations in the book. And she’s fascinating. She has this really incredible and inspirational life story to go along with the beautiful woman that you will get the chance to meet if you can come to one of her signings.

She’s kicking it all off in New York next week. I’ll be there fer sure.

April 18th / NEW YORK, NY
Book Party and Q&A with Ducky Doolittle
National sex educator, writer and comedian Ducky Doolittle will be here to sign copies of her newest book Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered. For more than a decade she has answered sex advice queries from thousands of women and men. In this book, Ducky not only answers the most-often asked question with a sex-positive open-mind, she gives readers permission to laugh and relax and to create the sex lives that best suit their own desires. See the poster.

WHERE: Babeland 43 Mercer Street, SoHo
TIME: 7:30pm
WHO: Individuals of every gender and sexual orientation.
TICKETS: FREE
INFO: www.babeland.com (212) 966-2120

The rest of her three month touring schedule is on her site.

Also, I’m still looking for couples OUTSIDE New York for a National Magazine article that will require you to do some “sex homework.” You’ll get a photo shoot, and possibly a flight to NY, courtesy of said magazine. If you and your sweetie might possibly be interested, please email me at jamyew@gmail.com. Oh, and send a picture of the two of you. Or two pictures, one of each of you.