Advice 101: Break Ups

This week has seen the end to at least two celebrity relationships, whether as a result of death (Gary Coleman and Shannon Price) or because life goes on (Al and Tipper Gore). Regardless breaking up is hard to do, but since I’ve done a bit of it myself in the past two years, I want to share some tips that could help a broken heart feel slightly less cracked.

Al and Tipper Gore seem to have done it right, unlike some other messy political ends (think most recently of John and Elizabeth Edwards). It appears that they’ve thought this through – well, they were married for 40 years – and most likely ended things long before the public knew of their demise. Sometimes it’s best to sit with things for a little while, especially if you share a home, family or other things that make breaking up even more difficult. Keep a list of what’s important, what you need – as far as objects from your life together – and who you can call on when you need them most (friends, family, etc.).

Go through the local paper and find some activities to keep you occupied. Whether it’s working out, dancing, biking, hiking, or taking a class, keeping yourself busy and surrounded by other people is a good way to heal wounds faster.

A dear friend of mine would get a new pair of shoes after each end. It was like she was walking into the next chapter of her life. Do something new for yourself too. It can be a haircut, a new item of clothing, or relocate. Move to another city, town, state, country. Enjoy the freedom of being alone, and not the fear of being lonely.

Take a break from your ex. If you have children, in the forms of humans or pets, this can be more difficult, but agree then to only speak once or twice a week while your affairs are being sorted out. If you have nothing holding you two together once you split, give yourselves a few months before you connect. You can be friends, it’s not impossible, and even makes sense since you once were best friends, but it will take some time and a shift in consciousness to keep the relationship moving forward. If you try too hard to make friendship work from the start, it’s usually more difficult. Think about it, if you see your partner with someone else right away, will you really be able to handle it? Wait until you can, and then, if you feel like the relationship is worth shifting, make it happen.

Give yourself time before you date. Even go celibate (or only play with yourself, heck get yourself a new sex toy or two!) for a few weeks, or months, to connect with your body. Then, when you feel ready, date. Don’t date to meet the next Mr. or Mrs. Forever. Date to date. To see who’s out there and to figure out more of what you want. And remember, nobody is 100% perfect, but what are you willing to live with in your next relationship, and what can you do without?

Breaking up is hard to do, but it happens all the time. Whether you meet up with your ex again, in this lifetime, or the next, be kind to yourself and to the one(s) you loved.

NOTE: This is a double post. Read back posts of non-double stuff, advice and sex positions at Playgirl’s Virtual Sex blog.