March 03, 2021

F*@k Vagina

When I first read the phrase “to be feminine is to have a tight, well-toned vagina” I wanted to tighten my fingers around someone else’s tight, well-toned neck, preferably the someone who wrote the stupid fucking phrase in the first place. In a country where thin is always in and self esteem is, for a lot of women, lower than the “you must be this tall to ride” sign, it’s never a good time for some half wit to start spewing his stupid beliefs about what is and isn’t beautiful or feminine, when feminine is not for any one person, or website, to decide.

I hate that there are websites called the Vagina Institute and another for vagina enhancement, both subscription based services that provide women with what they describe as “the best insight” into their own vaginas, that tout mottos like small is beautiful, and encourage women to reclaim the vagina of their virginal youth. I can’t tell you what’s going on in the Vagina Institute because I will not chalk up the $17.95/month ($18.95 for the vagina enhancement site that will provide me with the secrets to non-surgical size reduction) so they can tell me how to fix my possibly imperfect vagina, even if I believe my birth canal is just fine, thank you very much. Perhaps whoever created the Vagina Institute has a really small penis and that’s why this “gender neutral” site is around in the first place. Oh, and I’ll let you in on what may be the vagina enhancement secret, it’s called kegel exercises, so there go spend you $18.95 on a new vibe for your vulva.

Of course you can still take the “how does my vagina measure up” quiz, and ask yourself does your vagina look “good and appealing,” or “ugly and unsightly.” Or you can just ask yourself, who thought up this question, and what is their problem? Okay I know that some women really do have problems with overly loose vaginas, especially after lots of childbirth, and that some women really do need to find a way to make their vagina’s tighter, but most women do not need to hear any of this trash talk from a site that has a self help book whose cover portrays a woman with an obviously warped boob job. Yes, a woman’s vagina does loosen up over time. It is after all a muscle and muscle’s need exercise in order to stay strong and in shape. That means it’s mui importante for women to do kegel exercises, just as it’s important for each and every woman to love the curves, folds and crevices that are our cunts. Now, once the love fest is over (and you better have spent at least a minute or two looking at and loving the vulva in your life even if it doesn’t belong to you) start your kegels, and do the exercises at least four times a week for the rest of your life.

To do your kegel exercises, sit on the toilet and pee, then stop the flow and start again, and do this until you know the muscles you’re using to make it all happen. And then, don’t do that again because it’s not good for you to stop your stream of urine all the time, but use those muscles, those pelvic floor muscles and hold in and release at least 100 times a day. If you can hold for three seconds each time, great, if not it’s still great that you’re doing the exercises. To make sure you’re working the right muscles, put a finger inside your vagina and squeeze. If you can feel the sensation of your finger getting sucked on, then you’re probably doing it right.

Kegels are great because the strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. They help you to not pee when you laugh or sneeze (it’s technically called incontinence). They can help a woman through childbirth and they definitely help you improve your orgasmic potential and therefore sex life. And yes men can do them too, although they won’t help him with through childbirth.

Again, some vaginas are larger than others, just like some penises are smaller than my middle finger, but that doesn’t mean I think he should find a way to plump his pinky dick up just so he can be more masculine. A penis does not make the man, so why should a vagina define the woman?

Posted by jamye at March 3, 2021 09:49 AM