My friend Heidi (and subsequently two other people I know) were all interviewed for Nerve's Sex Advice (from new parents) article. I decided to post her advice (my short comments are in parenthesis):
Heidi, 32
Is there anything your husband can do with your breasts while they're sore from breastfeeding, or are they totally off-limits?
Well, the titty-fucking was far from the nipple so it wasn't so painful. You get these porno boobs, which is so bittersweet because my husband just wanted to grab them and play with them but they were so painful, it was like this cruel joke. So I just let him look at them while I masturbate him. (She's so hot, don't you agree?)
I have a friend who's pregnant and she's worried that her husband is becoming less attracted to her the bigger she gets. I'm trying to tell her that if he's acting more reticent toward her, there are probably legitimate reasons. What are some reasons I could give her?
He might be a little distracted by the pressure of being a dad and by financial pressures. It's stressful for the dad because they don't really know what to do while the mother is going through this process. He should totally be thinking that she's the sexiest thing ever, the bigger she gets the sexier she gets, because she's about to have their love child, a product of their beautiful sex. (This is so Heidi, of course, she answered the questions)
Should one try to dress sexy while pregnant?
If you just wear baggy clothes and throw on whatever, you won't feel great about being pregnant and that could translate to motherhood. I thought to myself, "I have bigger boobs now," so I bought some stuff that accented my breasts and my cleavage, and got some necklaces that hung down into the cleavage. You've never had boobs before, so celebrate them now. (Well, some people didn't have boobs before!)
I'm a girl who wants her boyfriend to perform anal sex on me, but he thinks it's gross. How can I make him more comfortable with that part of my body?
After a shower or a bath, while you're going down on him, go down there a little with your tongue, introduce him to it. Start with fondling with your fingers and tongue, and then, in the heat of passion with a lot of lube, put your finger in and see if he likes that. He probably will because most people do, as long as you're gentle. Get him used to it being performed on him. Then, if he knows how good it feels, he might be more interested in trying it on you. The key is don't tell him you're going to do it. Just do it.
How can new parents keep their sex lives active with all the exhaustion, responsibilities, bodily changes and spit-up that comes with a new baby?
A lot of tender hugging and kissing, if you're too tired to have sex. Maintain that affection. And oral sex is a good thing to do, man on woman obviously, because it's really healing. Porn. We definitely watch a lot of porn. And when you first start breastfeeding, your boobs get humongous, so do some titty-fucking. (see, above question for more on titty fucking)
I'm thinking about moving in with my boyfriend. We've been together for two years, we're committed and we love each other. The main reason I'm moving in, however, is that it will be cheaper to split the rent. Is this a reckless use of our relationship? What advice do you have for couples moving in together in general?
One way to look at it this is to assume things happen for a reason. You can view losing your job is an opportunity to look at your lives together. It's an opening to discuss your lives together. Rather than thinking, "We wouldn't be moving in together if not for the job loss," look at it as, "If not for the job loss, we wouldn't have had this opportunity to have a conversation about our relationship and how happy we are together." Just decide that you're moving in because you're in love with the person and you want to live with them (she really is this happy. Personally, I've almost done this before myself and was glad I didn't. I think moving in together is a bigger deal than some people realize and that you have to be truly ready to work through shit when you live with someone. It's nice to do, but it's not that easy).
If you want to read the rest of the parent's advice, it's here.
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ALSO...I'm taping something for ivillage tomorrow and if you have a minute between now and say, midnight tonight...answer me this:
1. How can you tell if I guy isn't into you?
2. Is it okay for women to make the first move on a date?
3. Is sex on the first date always a bad idea?
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And one last thing. Tomorrow at 12 NOON I'll be a guest on the Radio Chick on Sirius Radio. If you've got one, tune in. I'm doing a segment called Chick on Chick where I'll be offering advice to guys who want to get insider information on the women in their lives. Could get interesting.