May 26, 2021
A freak-unny story...
Me and My Pussy...
So two nights ago, I was staying with some friends in Warrington, PA - a small town near Doylestown which is another small town, near some other small towns, not too far from Philly - with my friends "The Halls" - one of whom happens to be named Annie - no, really…
Anyway, I get out of class at 7PM and I finish up what I need to do, and arrive at their front steps at 10:04 in the evening. When I get to their house, all the lights are off. Funny, I think, I know they're expecting me. I knock - no answer. I ring the doorbell, and it's loud but still nothing. I walk away and check out the house, thinking “shit, I just rang some neighbor’s door and they were sleeping and they’re gonna be pissed.” But not a stir.
So I do what any country bumpkin would do, I turn the front door knob– and it opens. The house is quiet and dark, but when I peak inside, I know it’s definitely the right house because I see their wedding pictures on the wall. I walk upstairs and I hear the TV on in their bedroom. "Hey guys, I'm here," I say, I think I said it pretty loud to as to not disturb anything. I can hear them talking and then they shut up and I hear the gentle lull of the TV. Since they stopped talking just as I declared my arrival, I figure they'll be out any second...but - not a peep. Nobody leaves the bedroom, nobody comes out to say hello, nobody does nothin'. I haven't seen these people in almost a year - don't they miss me?!
I go into my bedroom. I know it's mine because I've slept here before. I call a friend because I'm a little freaked out. I mean I told them I could be there anytime after 8PM and now it is 10PM, so maybe they're just pissed at me, giving me the silent treatment. I don't know.
My friend agrees that somethings not kosher, so I tell him where I'm staying just in case they have to come looking for a body..and yes, I am a drama queen. And then my phone vibrates and it's D. Hall - the guy whose house I'm in.
Dave: "Are you still coming tonight Jamye?"
Jamye: "I'm in your house!"
D: "No shit. Really?"
J: "Really."
Apparently I freaked him and his wife out, almost as much as they freaked me out when I first got there. The fan in their bedroom is really loud, and even there over-anxious dog didn't make a sound when I came up the steps. They swear they didn't hear me at all, which is scary because I could have been anybody. And it was only after they called me that they knew I was there.
It really was scary. I was waiting for Freddy Krueger to come upstairs and tell me to say goodbye to my life. In fact, for a moment I thought I was dead and had entered the house as a ghost. I jumped in front of the mirror to check out my own reflection just to be sure. And those seconds before I saw myself looking back from the glass were some of the most anxiety producing seconds of my life.
Because there's nothing worse than thinking you're dead but walking around not really sure how you died. Well, almost nothing...